9 Things to Say and Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman

As I pen this, I’m nearly nine months pregnant with our first 
child. Our little boy is due any day!
Since I learned I was prego 
on December 10th, people have said (in many instances) kind 
gracious words while others have said things that if out of
ignorance I’ve ever said to another
mom to be, I’m going on 
record here to apologize and state that I’ll never say them again, 
willing. Over my nine-month journey, I have become pain-
fully aware of how folks lose all sense
of boundaries with a 
pregnant woman. People mean well, and they’re not saying 
these things
out of malice or to bother me enough to include 
them in a blog post – but I thought I would clear
the air. I hope 
this list makes you smile (and even giggle), and I also hope it 
will help make you
aware of what to say and not to say the 
next time you’re talking to an expectant mom.

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  1. “Are you sure you’re not six or seven months? You look 
big today.” I was asked
    this at 21 weeks, more like five months. 
Yes, I’m sure.
  2. “Are you sure it’s not twins? One might be hiding behind the
other.” So, are you
    saying I’m so big there must be two babies in 
my belly?
  3. “Was it planned?” This question irritates me, yes, he was 
”planned.” Whether they
    were intended by the child’s parents 
or not, babies are a gift from God, and it’s such
    a nosy question. 
Are you asking me if I had unprotected sex with my husband 
    purpose? I think that’s none of your business.
  4. “Is it your husband’s?” I was asked this with my husband 
standing right next to me.
    There are no words for this one, 
except, yes, the baby boy was sired by my husband.
for asking.
  5. “You’re not allowed to drink coffee.” Um, thanks, but actually, 
I am “allowed” to
    drink coffee. According to What to Expect 
When You’re Expecting, the most helpful
    and (at the same time)
frightening book on -out there, on page 69: “Most 
    suggests that drinking up to approximately 200 mg of 
caffeine a day is safe during
    pregnancy. Depending on how you 
take your coffee (black or with lots of milk), that
    could mean limiting yourself to about two cups (give or take) a day. Which 
    you’re good to go (and fuel your get-up-and-go) if you’re 
a light or moderate
    coffee drinker.
  6. “You might change your mind about his name after he’s born.”
My husband and I have
    had our boy’s name picked out for years. 
We use it when we talk to him (yes, we do
    that). You may know 
people who had this experience, which is great for them, but I
don’t understand why you’d say that to me? Why not say what a 
nice name
    and move on?
  7. “Wouldn’t it be great if you had him on your birthday?” No, 
it wouldn’t. My birthday is
    about three weeks after my baby’s due 
date. That would make me 43 weeks (10-11
    months) pregnant.
  8. “You’re going to get carpel tunnel.” Wow, I didn’t know you 
were a doctor! And that
    every single pregnant woman gets carpel
tunnel! Again, just because you or someone
    you know had that
experience doesn’t mean I will. Please don’t speak that over me
    (along with number seven). I already have carpel tunnel, it started 
11 years ago and
    I’ve since made lifestyle and ergonomic changes 
that keep the pain away.
  9. “You’re not allowed to dye your hair.” Please people, unless 
you’re my doctor (which
    you’re not), don’t tell me what I’m allowed
and not allowed to do! No one has researched
    or freaked out about 
this stuff more than me. I am “allowed” and I did (gasp!). From 
    to Expect When You’re Expecting, page 144-145:

“Even though no evidence suggests the small amount of chemicals
absorbed through the skin
during hair coloring is harmful when 
you’re expecting, some experts still advise waiting out the
trimester before heading back to the salon for retouching. Others 
maintain that it’s safe to
dye throughout pregnancy.”

I waited a few weeks into my second trimester to be on the safe side. 
I also didn’t feel well
enough the first trimester to make a trip to the 
salon (smells are also magnified during the
first trimester and I 
handled this much better during the second).

“You look great.
  2. “You look beautiful.”
  3. “You look lovely.”
  4. “You have that lovely expectant glow.” or
    “You’re glowing.” We love hearing that.
  5. “You’re so tiny!”
  6. “You don’t look like you’re having a baby.”
    This made my day one day at the beginning of my fourth month.
  7. “You’re so little!”
  8. “What a lucky baby!” Well gosh, thanks!
  9. “You’re going to be great parents!” “You’re going
    to be a great mom!” 
Again, thank you. Expectant
    mothers love hearing this one.

In other words, if you’re not telling me how fabulous I look or compli
menting my future
parenting skills, then please keep your comments 
and projections to yourself.

Have any DOs or DON’Ts of your own? Please share in the comments below.

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